Husband Involvement in the Family: 4 Definitive Reflections for Wife

The Reflecting Theologian’s Introduction to Husband Involvement in the Family

There is place for husband involvement in the family. Many times, as we talk to different families and observe different families, we find that husband involvement in the family is often found wanting. Especially in the Asian context, most male would grow up with the mindset that their responsibility in the family is to provide and bring home the bread and butter while the wife is to take care of the household.

In the Christian context, this is only partially true. The description of the noble woman in Proverbs 31:10-31 states that the woman of noble character watches over the affairs of her household (Prov 31:27) but it also states that she brings in additional income for the family by selling the linen garments she made (Prov 31:24) and trading profitably (Prov 31:18). All these mean that the chauvinistic expectation of a husband in bringing home the bread and butter and a wife purely in charge of managing the household is at most a flawed and incomplete one in light of the Scripture.

Moreover, the expectation of husband involvement in the family is vastly different in the faith community. For example, in 1 Peter 3:7, Peter exhorted the husbands in the church to be “considerate” and treat their wives with respect as their wives are fellow heirs with them. The Greek word that gets translated to “considerate” is “gnosis” which literal meaning is “knowing/understanding.” The implication is for the husbands to respond to their wives’ behaviour with mutual love and understanding as shows of consideration.

And the practical application to show considerations to wives, in my opinion, is to be involved in the affairs of the household as the head of the household. Just as the wife alleviates the financial burden of the household by trading profitably, the husband can help to alleviate the burden of managing the household by being involved whenever he can do so. Yes, men needs their cave time and their own retreat. In fact, this helps to enrich the marriage. But there are times and space for increased husband involvement in the family.

It is therefore under such a context that Angelina wrote 4 reflections on how wife can increase husband involvement in the family. This is on top of my previous article on how husbands can treat their wives better.

1. Don’t play psychic with your husband

Tell him how he can help you! As much as guys love to be the hero and save the damsel in distress, they are not mind readers. So wives need to let go of the over-romanticised view that it they love me, they will naturally want to do it. Yes they will, when we ask them to do so. And how we ask them is also important.

Rather than ordering them around like this “take the rubbish out”, “wash the dishes,” try asking them to help you. So another way of rephrasing could be “could you help me to wash the dishes please?”. They will probably say ok to that more willingly. And if your partner tends to procrastinate after agreeing to help, then have an understanding with him on when the task will be completed.

If there is some urgency, let him know why it is urgent but to allow him to set the deadline. This ensures that he has ownership over the tasks, rather than to feel that the tasks or timeline has been forced down his throat.

2. Don’t mother him

Let go and let him do it. Many women, and I myself sometimes, like to hover around the husband and watch him execute the task and then giving him suggestions on how it should be done better after that. How would you feel if someone did that to you? Probably annoyed.

Moreover, most guys are outcome oriented, so all that probably matters is to get the job done, no matter how unorthodox the approach. If a certain standard of the tasks is expected, state that upfront together with the task. The more you mother the guys, the more likely he will be embittered by the whole process even if you get your way eventually.

3. Cover his back if he needs it

Ask if he would like you to help when you see him having difficulties and respect his answer. More often than not, guys prefer to struggle through and figure things out in their own. It’s part of their make up as a warrior. So don’t insist on helping them if they say they don’t need your help

4. Appreciate him for the effort

Show appreciation for the effort, not the results. This is the most important part – showing appreciation regardless of the outcome. Your man took the time and effort to do what you requested them to, when their natural tendency is to stay in their “box” whenever they could to play their game/ watch TV/ videos etc. It requires them to overcome a huge inertia to step out of it, so don’t forget to show your appreciation to them. The best deterrent for them to do more is to tell them how they could have done better immediately after the complete the task, a total bummer!

And these are 4 reflections on how we can encourage the husbands in the house to be more involved with the wives. If you are a wife, let us know in the comments below how you would do it.